Influencing others: Rational persuasion and the big problem with rational persuasion

Dale Carnegie wrote “How to Make Friends and Influence People” nearly 80 years ago, and the topic of influencing others is still of great interest to many. There are plenty of ways to influence someone. The nine most common (in ascending order) are: 

9. Consultation – asking others for help in either directly or indirectly influencing another 

8. Inspirational appeals – pulling at the heartstrings and/or emotions of the party you’re trying to influence

7. Coalitions – getting a group working together toward a common goal of influencing another 

6. Pressure – using threats or sanctions (when you have such power) to influence another

5. Ingratiation – make the person/group you’re trying to influence feel better – as they say, you get more flies with honey than vinegar¹

4. Exchange – works on the principle of give and take; this can be a direct quid pro quo arrangement whereby you give the other party something they want in order to influence them on a topic important to you

3. Personal Appeals – work when the other party likes you and you’ve asked for their help. You can influence them by appealing to them on a personal level – they don’t have to agree with the topic, but as long as they like you, that can be enough

2. Legitimating – refers to influencing someone based on the legitimate (or positional) power you have over them. Obedience to authority is stronger in some cultures than others, but saying “no” to your boss is a difficult proposition

1. Rational persuasion – using logical arguments and factual evidence to persuade others. 

30 years of research²  has shown that not only is rational persuasion the most common influence tactic used irrespective of hierarchical levels, it is also a relatively effective way of influencing others. But there’s a fatal flaw with using rational persuasion. Let me present the following situation: 

I was involved in a committee meeting the other day and presented a rational list of reasons for my proposal – I also used consultation in this case, building the rational case based on advice from experts in the field. One of the people in this meeting, who occupies the highest hierarchical position of those at the meeting, didn't like my proposal. My rational list wasn't impactful. Why not?  Because for rational persuasion to work, the individual you’re trying to influence actually has to be rational! My counterpart in this particular situation preferred to deal with philosophical musings, as opposed to concrete occurrences.

So what approach should I have taken, or take moving forward? Inspirational appeals are powerful –think John F. Kennedy and his vision to take us to the moon – but this topic wasn’t one that lends itself to such an appeal. I couldn’t pressure my counterpart, nor was legitimating an option. Personal appeals require a good personal relationship, and while I’ve worked with this individual before, we’ve clashed recently, and an appeal based on our friendship wouldn’t work. Exchange could have worked, in theory, but due to the positional power occupied by this person, I didn’t have much to offer.

Coalitions and ingratiation are the final influence tactics I could use. Ingratiation is most effective when it is perceived as honest, personal and well-intended, and it is most often perceived as such when infrequent. If you’re always seen as buttering someone up, ingratiation can backfire. In the committee meeting, ingratiation wouldn’t have been effective, as it could serve to alienate the other 10 people in the committee who I would want on my side.

Building a coalition of support is my final option to gain the support of my counterpart. And so it is, as the proposal I made and I have both been sent to another committee. At the end of the day, this second committee also reports back to the same individual with whom I had this conflict, but this individual isn’t present for that committee’s meetings. So if this second committee buys into my proposal, it goes back to the problematic individual with the weight of others who have better relationships and power positions in the organization.

So what’s the lesson here? Rational persuasion only works on rational people. But if you need to influence someone who isn’t rational, you need more persuasive tools in your tool-belt than just logic. I might even have to break out some honey, so I can finally catch this fly! 

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1.  I’ll be honest, I’m not sure why you’d want more flies, but if you would, use honey.

2.  cf. Kipnis, D., Schmidt, S. M., & Wilkinson, J. (1980) Interorganizational influence tactics: Explorations in getting one’s way. Journal of Applied Psychology, 65, 440-452. 
Yukl, G., & Falbe, C. M. (1991) The importance of different power sources in downward and lateral relations. Journal of Applied Psychology, 76, 416-423
Higgins, C. A., Judge, T. A., & Ferris, G. R. (2003) Influence tactics and work outcomes: A meta-analysis. Journal of Organizational Behavior, 24, 89-106

Unhappy at your job? Imagine how much more unhappy you'd be without it!

Today I am grateful that I have a sweet, sensitive 6-year old boy.

I want to start this blog posting with that note of gratitude, and by making a confession: I'm a cynic. I'm not always a "glass-half-full" kind of guy. And now I'm writing a blog post about seeing the best in situations, and focusing on positivity. I know, weird! But come with me on this trip, and hopefully you'll see where I'm coming from, and how I've tried to change my perspective.

Life sucks. Not always, and hopefully, not even often. But sometimes, for everyone, life sucks. That's just a basic truth. What we do when we're placed in a position that reminds us of that truism is what helps  us define our own paths from it. There are cycles or spirals of behavior that psychologists talk about. Spirals of negativity, the vicious spirals, happen when bad things happen and we can't break that cycle. Something bad happens, it puts us in a bad mood, we upset someone who then responds by contributing something else bad to our day, and so it continues. But spirals of positivity occur too, virtuous cycles. Someone is nice to us, that puts us in a good mood, and we work to maintain that "high".

This posting isn't about life handing you lemons and you making lemonade; it's about setting aside those lemons and moving forward. If you were going to make lemonade, well then, great! But if you weren't planning on a refreshing beverage, then go beyond that basket of citrus and do what you were going to do.

Shawn Achor, in his amazing TEDx talk (watch it, and it will be 12 of the best minutes of your day) notes that "your brain at positive performs significantly better than at negative, neutral or stressed. Your intelligence rises, your creativity rises, your energy levels rise." This Happiness Advantage, as he calls it, comes from positivity. Having a positive mindset, and being engaged in positive activities, like being grateful and actively acknowledging positive things in your life, has a positive effect on how our brains work.

So, yes, life sucks. But even when life sucks, and perhaps most importantly when life sucks, what about life doesn't suck? 

Let's say that you're unhappy at work, have a boss that doesn't appreciate or recognize the contributions you make, and your coworkers frequently have egg salad sandwiches in the work fridge. Life sucks right there. But not everything about life sucks. You have a job to complain about, so right there is something you can ironically be grateful for; if life sucks at work, take a second to imagine how much more life would suck if you were unemployed.

If the "grass is greener on the other side of the fence," that has to mean that there's a side of the fence where the grass is browner. If you are able to change your perspective from what's wrong with a given situation to what's right with it, you are on the way to positive change in your life. As Achor notes, positivity is a learned capacity. Train your brain in positive ways. Try to do those little things
you can to reinforce the positive in your life. Write down one (or more) things you're grateful for every day. They don't have to be life-altering great things, just things you sincerely are grateful for.

My wonderful sweet, sensitive 6-year old was sent home from school today for pushing and hitting another boy on the playground; I left work to pick him up. Life sucks. There are lots of things I could be less than grateful for in that situation; but I am grateful he didn't hurt the other boy, and certainly grateful we won't get sued! I am grateful this can be a learning experience for him, and I am grateful this can be a learning experience for me, as a father. I can practice patience and demonstrate to him the communication skills I want him to use instead of hitting. My world isn't perfect, far from it, often enough it sucks, but there are always things to be grateful for, and if that positivity can help me break a vicious cycle, get me into a virtuous cycle and energize me, to get me through to the next day, then it sucks a whole lot less.

This has been the third entry in my weekly blog posting (with a week off last week). Please comment, share and/or suggest new topics. Thank you for reading.